MFRH064

Mars Astronauts

SYNOPSIS

An astronaut on the moon mistakes another astronaut for an alien.

CHARACTERS

EVANS: An American astronaut, first time on Mars, easily impressed.

OFFICER: A mission control officer communicating from Earth through EVANS’s headset.

POPOVICH: Another astronaut, has been on Mars before. Has a Russian accent.

ALIEN: An alien creature on Mars.

=======

A NASA spaceship lands on Mars. A hatch opens and EVANS steps out.

EVANS

Wow, I’m finally on friggin’ Mars! Wait, I have to say the thing I memorized. This is one small step for people, and, uhh… One medium-sized step for me. I forget how it’s supposed to go.

OFFICER

(voice coming over EVANS’s headset)

Congratulations on your first landing, Evans!

EVANS hops around in low gravity, overjoyed.

EVANS

Thanks, Mission Control! This is amazing! Woop woop!

EVANS trips over a rock and falls into a small hole in the ground. POPOVICH steps out of the spaceship and closes the hatch.

POPOVICH

Evans, we have work to do. Please stop messing around and help me pick up this rock sample.

EVANS gets up, all turned around and confused.

EVANS

My God! My God!

OFFICER

(voiceover)

What’s the matter, Evans? Talk to me.

EVANS

I have made an incredible discovery. This is a day that will forever be remembered forever as the day that human history changed forever. You will not believe me. I am seeing with my own eyes... an extra-terrestrial being!

OFFICER

(voiceover)

Evans, are you declaring a Code Green? Please confirm Code Green.

POPOVICH

What? I don’t see an extra-terrestrial anywhere. It’s not a Code Green.

EVANS

Wowee! It’s standing right in front of me. I think it’s trying to communicate with me! I can hear it on my headset somehow! Mission Control, are you receiving this?

OFFICER

(voiceover)

Yes, Evans. It has a really messed up voice. I’ve never heard anything like it. We’ve officially declared Code Green. Please proceed according to protocol.

POPOVICH

No, Mission Control, it’s just me, Captain Popovich. Evans, we’ve been traveling together for 4 months. How do you not recognize me? I’m wearing a NASA spacesuit, for God’s sake.

EVANS

Okay, Mission Control. Activating Code Green protocol. Greetings, extra-terrestrial being. I am a human from Planet Earth. My name is Evans. Do you have a name?

POPOVICH

(extremely frustrated, gesturing wildly)

You idiot! It’s always something dumb with you. I don’t know how I lasted for 4 months.

EVANS

I do not understand what you are saying. Please remain calm.

OFFICER

(voiceover)

Evans, keep going. You’re doing great. We’re working on a translation for what this creature is trying to say.

POPOVICH

I’m speaking English, you assholes. I just have an accent. It’s not even that thick of an accent!

EVANS

Alien, I do not understand you, but I understand that you are agitated. We come in peace. This is only an exploration mission. This is an important moment for the history of both of our planets.

POPOVICH

God damn it!

EVANS

Mission Control, this alien has become aggressive. Activate Code Red.

OFFICER

(voiceover)

Our scientists detect aggression in its voice, too. Activating Code Red. Go ahead, Evans.

EVANS pulls out a GUN and aims it at POPOVICH.

POPOVICH

No! Stop it! It’s not a Code Red, it’s just me! How is this happening?! Mission Control, what the hell? Evans, put that away!

EVANS

It didn’t have to be this way, alien. We could have been friends.

EVANS shoots POPOVICH, who falls to the ground. Some ALIENS have been watching the whole thing from behind a nearby rock.

ALIEN

(speaking gibberish, but we see English subtitles)

They’re dumber than we thought. Launch the attack now!

Alien spaceships lift off and head toward Earth.

Type: art.sketch.comedy.original
Produced by: The Bye
Notes: This is actually good despite what you feel.

MFRH063

I Am Goat

"I am Goat," I say.

"My brain is Goat, but I'm not."

I say, "I am Goat."

Type: art.poetry.original
Produced by: The Bye
Notes: I know, I know.

MFRH062

I feel five years younger tonight i do not know why. Do you know? i do not i do not
I pull a lot from the bone. The chillness the bouncing legs the quiet frantic scramble
I want to go back i hum and mumble i try to be humble. But a tucked shirt says nothing
i do not, do you?

Type: art.poetry.original
Produced by: The Bye
Notes: not a one

MFRH061

Type: art.visual.original
Produced by: Bye Baby
Notes: Birds

MFRH060

Type: art.visual.found
Produced by: Bye Baby
Notes: A memory I'll never have.

MFRH059

http://www.mediafire.com/file/tuznzttntmz/thewugsanothersummerep2010.zip

1. Running in Place
2. The Last of Him
3. Ithaca
4. I Saw Your Face (In a Film)

Type: art.aural.original
Produced by: The Wugs
Title: Songs From Another Summer
Notes: An EP

MFRH058

We were not children but spies
And we dared to draw our dreams on the skies
Now we keep them locked away
In a little book
In a drawer by our bedsides

We litter our plates with crumbs
And we pay the bank we borrow from
But our hearts still beat
And the little book itches
But we try our best to ignore the drum

The rays slice through the blinds
As I glaze over my daily grind
I come home to fill my little book
With trite, amateur words,
An attempt to shake it out of my mind

They tell me that they know what it's all about
As they spend their Saturdays waiting for theirs to sprout
But what use is a branch
When the roots fade away
And future spies, like me, will never reach out

Type: art.poetry.original
Produced by: The Bye
Notes: My letter of rejection

MFRH057

"Haha, that's so funny! But yeah, you're right... I could really go for some cake right now."

"You crashin' the wedding, then?" I ask, trying too hard to be clever again. It's impossible to be witty in this place. This music siphons all intelligent thought from my skull.

"Nope, I'm the groom's best friend!" she answers with enthusiasm. "I've known him since kindergarten!"

"So, uh, what does he do for a living?" I finally ask.

I can't keep my eyes off that damned table. She yells something at my face, but her nasally voice is no match for the Black Eyed Peas.

"I'm sorry, a what?"

"An executive financial director!"

I excuse myself and dart straight to the table. What was I expecting? I grab one in each hand, two more to come. Maybe the bubbles will make it bearable. Goodbye, grating, scraping, solid reality. Please, please wash away now.

All four slide down my throat as I toss them back, one after the other. I cough, I sputter, I catch my breath. They aren't helping. I close my eyes, hoping to disappear. I wish for some sort of catastrophe -- an earthquake, a hurricane, anything. I want an interruption, something huge. Something to stop it all.

I sigh, pick up another glass, and stagger back to my seat.

Between sips, I concentrate waves of loathsome stares at each man and woman present. This is not for me, and it has never been. Here, my empathy is ineffective. Better unfiltered hatred than futile attempts at communication. I absolutely cannot imagine why she chose this, but here we are. First I will finish this and then I will walk among them.

I have to keep deeping breathely. My arms start to feel heavy and the floor starts to feel light. I think I am ready now, so I loosen my tie. Why are the lights so dim in here? Concentrating on my steps, I make my way to a circle of these intolerable imbeciles.

That's a phrase that I won't even try to say right now.

I approach the most expensive-looking suit I can find. There is nobody inside it. It yells over the music, "Wait, what you're saying is Monsanto's about to soar? It's a fucking bear market, man. Monsanto's not an exception. Have you even read their quarterly?"

"No, Carson, that's not the point. They just tripled R&D, and there's no reason--"

He flinches as I throw an arm around him. Don't act so shocked, dipshit. This is how I roll.

"What's up, knob-goblins?" I laugh.

Type: art.prose.original
Produced by: Jove

Title: Four

Notes: based on a false story

MFRH056

A fresh blank leaf, and it can be anything
And with each new word you chop away possible futures
And create and amputate
And the words you caught seem worthless when you glimpse the ones you could've chased
But they've got one thing going for them, they exist!
And they lie on the paper in front of you
And you (try to) write carelessly
And end up with a poem -- the only one you could have written, the only one you have
And who cares about your unwritten volumes when you've got these twelve lines, black on white
You amputate many futures
But you create one present
And it is worth many times more

Type: art.poetry.original
Produced by: Kyrie Eleisen
Notes: none.

MFRH055

I can't keep my eyes off that damned table. She yells something at my face, but her nasally voice is no match for the Black Eyed Peas.

"I'm sorry, a what?"

"An executive financial director!"

I excuse myself and dart straight to the table. What was I expecting? I grab one in each hand, two more to come. Maybe the bubbles will make it bearable. Goodbye, grating, scraping, solid reality. Please, please wash away now.

All four slide down my throat as I toss them back, one after the other. I cough, I sputter, I catch my breath. They aren't helping. I close my eyes, hoping to disappear. I wish for some sort of catastrophe -- an earthquake, a hurricane, anything. I want an interruption, something huge. Something to stop it all.

I sigh, pick up another glass, and stagger back to my seat.

Between sips, I concentrate waves of loathsome stares at each man and woman present. This is not for me, and it has never been. Here, my empathy is ineffective. Better unfiltered hatred than futile attempts at communication. I absolutely cannot imagine why she chose this, but here we are. First I will finish this and then I will walk among them.

I have to keep deeping breathely.

Type: art.prose.original
Produced by: Jove

Title: Three

Notes: based on a false story

MFRH054

01. Heart Insurance
02. Je ne crois pas au soleil

Type: art.aural.original
Produced by: The Wugs
Title: Heart Insurance / Je ne crois pas au soleil. A-side is original. B-side is a translated cover of a song by The Magnetic Fields.
Notes: Songs written, performed by Caitie F.

MFRH053

Type: art.visual.original
Produced by: The Power of Grayskull
Notes: Stands proudly

MFRH052

"I'm sorry, a what?"

"An executive financial director!"

I excuse myself and dart straight to the table. What was I expecting? I grab one in each hand, two more to come. Maybe the bubbles will make it bearable. Goodbye, grating, scraping, solid reality. Please, please wash away now.

All four slide down my throat as I toss them back, one after the other. I cough, I sputter, I catch my breath. They aren't helping. I close my eyes, hoping to disappear. I wish for some sort of catastrophe -- an earthquake, a hurricane, anything. I want an interruption, something huge. Something to stop it all.

I sigh, pick up another glass, and stagger back to my seat.

Type: art.prose.original
Produced by: Jove

Title: Two

Notes: based on a false story

MFRH051

I excuse myself and dart straight to the table. What was I expecting? I grab one in each hand, two more to come. Maybe the bubbles will make it bearable. Goodbye, grating, scraping, solid reality. Please, please wash away now.

Type: art.prose.original
Produced by: Jove

Title: One

Notes: based on a false story

MFRH050

01. Say What You Will
02. UVB-76

Type: art.aural.original
Produced by: The Wugs
Title: Say What You Will / UVB-76
Notes: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UVB-76

MFRH049

01. Up to Us
02. Hurts So Bad

Type: art.aural.original
Produced by: The Wugs
Title: Up to Us / Hurts So Bad
Notes: A single. The B-side is a cover of a song by the band Twa Toots.

MFRH048

can't think loud next table literary criticism christicism -- nothing wrong with talking about *inaudible* nothing wrong with talking about nothing wrong. ummm, I really? on? same? wavelength? one person's feelings don't contribute to our general knowledge but they're important. tables wooden all about boxes on left, take out. pamphletsleafletszines. Let me eqscuse myself blurting out name. erin? erin? stealing a string, caught, scream. screamcaught. caught because she screaMED. randomness is not an option, unconscious motivations are always present they're saying it. ok, whatever. whatever. masculine language existing separately what? i think i want some juice do? i? reading for class all done. yes? yes. less than an hour left. annoying to go to class. would skip. should skip. can't skip. structures. this is the way language works. just read the essays. wish I could? they're ina class together, i see. people walk in. people walk out. have a little bit of courage to state a belief!!!!! people walk in. people walk out. phone says 1:49. time left. there is objectivity or not? hmmmm... laptop open, cool wallpaper! i don't know if I trust the people that come up with all the really mindblowing ideas, says he. "HIC CACAVIT BENE" witten in bathroom. funny thing, yes. hmmmmm. it's too sunny. too hot not as hot as in california. readings easy today. something about physical labour. hope no-one's eavesdropping. i am. wonder why they stopped those zines in the box? 2003, a long time ago. 2000 and 3. 7 ago. all out. do crossword? later. my facebook page is not an extention of me. st. john all you do is read great books? all written in geometrical proofs. 1:55 mom call later busy weekend? not really. one assignment, yeah. essay. should be planning now can't. planner. cross out ch 18, ch 19, already read. new music? must be something good don't listen enough. you just roll causality right down the street! fragments. frag ment. frog men. swim shoot OH GOD good job! so let's sit up. let's browse what? where? huh? is there such a thing as hmmm...nowait i should write it what i see they've quieted down reading? whisper. 7 feet a second. sound. not right. 2:00 i should go soon. i always get student evaluations with very clear handwriting. they're tas? oh. tos? ahhh, ey... simmering in the sun new horizon? new rising decay functions? linearized? what said she? no difference. people go in. study abroad? not this year.

Type: art.thought.original
Produced by: Kyrie Eleisen
Notes: a duet for thoughts and eavesdropping.

MFRH047

Type: art.visual.found
Produced by: Bye Baby
Notes: no.

MFRH046

If planets were planned: net weight = 15
Stymied and stammering
Stamen and ring, gimme drink I'll go gammerin'
Gott, ach gott! I forgot 'snot the boat but
In a moatish moat goat findings are afloat
In a basket -- a floating watery casket
He's sitting can't forget what he saw
A see saw -- waves rocking
Don't come knocking, you'll drown.
Ophelia's no queen, Hamnet no king
Egypt sunrise rises raw 'tis to Jupiter we will go!
Putting putting on scaphanders
Shooting up like salamanders
Rising rising from the atmo, sailing up and up we go
Up to Jove for nay a reason, whither next and whence came fro
Banging hooves, hooves stand up in droves Karl Rove may
Be above listening, hisssning hiss hiss... so what now?
Hey there, brown cow = how ... can we say that it's lying?
To you front of cameras dying -- it's true!
President Poincaré in your face my rey...
My king! My liege! Le me lick the salt off your feet!
(I will be discreet :) )

Type: art.poetry.original
Produced by: Kyrie Eleisen
Notes: none.

MFRH045

Type: art.visual.found
Produced by: Bye Baby
Notes: no.